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I know that none of you are 'Dear Abby/an agony aunt', but...
My youngest paternal Uncle recently gave me a small packet of photos his wife had found in a wooden box tucked away in their garage. It turns out that my father had made the box in 1956 as a high school student in his wood-shop class. Why my Uncle has the box confused me as he and my father had had a falling out some years before my Dad died. As one can imagine the sibling rift was caused by squabbles over care of their elderly father and monies associated with said care. -long story short (and from the perspective of my dad): Grandpa had given my Uncle a large sum of money so that he and his wife could purchase a single-storey house with enough space for Grandpa to come and live with them. Grandpa, it should be said, could no longer successfully climb stairs, so this living arrangement would have been ideal for him.
I hear the monetary 'gift' story as conditional: Uncle receives $$$ as long as he agrees to purchase a one-storey home. Well, my Uncle and his wife bought a two-storey house with the money they received from my Grandpa. When my Dad heard about the home purchase, he flipped his lid and had Grandpa come live with him instead. While Grandpa was alive, my Uncle and Dad were still in contact, if however sporadically. Afterwards it was crickets between them. Grandpa's belongings, I now find out, were left behind at my Uncle's. This included many family keepsakes and the box that my Dad had fashioned in wood-shop class those many years ago.
I was a bit perplexed as to why my Uncle would want to keep Dad's box, but don't know how to talk to him about it for fear that he'll tell me he will not relinquish it. I want that box, folks. In the same conversation with my Uncle about family photos (and did I want them), my Uncle then mentioned a turquoise ring an old girlfriend of his had given him back in 1970/71. Apparently, some hippie-type up in Marin Co. had fashioned the ring out of silver & mounted a chunk of turquoise on top. My Uncle told me that he'd given the ring to my father (for some reason) and, boy, did he want that ring back! Spoiler alert: I think I may have the ring as I remember discovering a bit of jewelry among my father's personal affects nearly 20 years ago. If I do have the ring, would it be tacky to make a 'trade' with my Uncle? I don't care about the ring, but I do wish to have something of Dad's in my possession.
Some of the tidbits from the passel of pictures given to me:
Dear Bea, this is a poignant story for it displays the foibles of us humans who somehow box ourselves into estrangement. All of us do it and so we lose part of our family story. I'm thinking that you'll be offering such a fair trade--a ring that means something to your uncle and a box that means the world to you. Go for it! Peace.
ReplyDeleteOh, thank you, Dee.
DeleteI would offer that trade in a heart beat. You would both receive an item which is precious to you and neither would have to lose face.
ReplyDeleteGo for it.
I have virtually no photos of my parents (and certainly none of either of their families).
Thank you, E.C.
DeleteHope your friend and child recover quickly. I have not heard about the sandpaper skin but it doesn't sound lovely. Good luck with your Uncle as I think it would make sense to give those things to you.
ReplyDeleteNo, sandpaper skin sounds pretty shit. Glad you've not suffered from it!
DeleteSome family rifts have been over far less significant-sounding triggers than the biggie you describe. Definitely go for the trade. It's lucky that you still have the ring as it could very well have been lost/sold/given away by you at any point. When we come in to possession of the stuff from another's life, how are we ever to know if there's meaning to be found within for another? The Marie Kondo dilemma which can force us all to become hoarders.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I feel like I've been keeping TOO much stuff from all eras of my life. -time to cull...
DeleteI will go on the hunt for that ring & I shall go for the trade.
I think by mentioning the ring, he was telling you he wanted to make a trade. So why not take him up on it?
ReplyDeleteAhhh...I get it now! I think you're right & I will dig around for that darn ring.
DeleteDo you suppose he has more than the box? Can't you fashion some open ended trade for the ring?
ReplyDeleteI suppose that he might. I don't know what all he might be holding onto and would have to figure out how to talk to him about a more open-ended trade.
DeleteI agree with Joanne.
ReplyDeleteThis strategy is certainly food for thought!
DeleteYes, do the swap. You come from a good-looking family.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tom. I've seen photos of your parents, so I take that as a great compliment.
DeleteAll those we know who have caught it have done so through children at school. And before worrying any further, do you still actually have that ring?
ReplyDeleteYes, I think that it must have been through school that the virus was contracted.
DeleteI think that I might & will diligently search for said ring!
I don't think it would be tacky at all to offer to trade the ring for the box.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Debra. My cousin said that it would be tacky, hence my questioning all you lovely people here.
DeleteSounds like a reasonable exchange but would be nice to know what else of meaning to you is in his possession that he would part with before you give up the ring.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Joared. I would like to know what else there is, but feel a bit uncomfortable asking the question. I need to work on this, clearly.
DeleteHere in the UK they are contemplating keeping all schools closed until the end of January. Kids should be wearing masks in the classrooms!
ReplyDeleteI know that my London friend would occasionally keep her child out of school over Covid fears. That they now both have the virus is frustrating.
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