OK, the trip was sort of planned, but seemingly somewhat hastily. I didn't know when the MIL and her hubs were coming until about a week before their arrival. When I asked how long my MIL and her hubs would be staying--a week?--longer?, I believe my husband said something to the effect of: I don't know. Does it really matter? Um, yeah?! The whole exchange made me feel uncomfortable and I came to the conclusion that you really can't get between a child and its mother. (Not like that's what I was doing, anyway.)
Although I have been with my husband since 2008, I don't really know either my mother-in-law or her hubs very well. They visited us when we lived abroad, but that only makes for two trips within the past 12 years. And we've visited them only twice where they live in the eastern United States.
Each visit from them saw me working--it's the same this time 'round as well, so I have really only ever been a sort of part-time player in their travel plans and that suits me fine. I find their personalities to be a bit challenging (and maybe they find mine similarly so...?). Both my MIL and her husband have been diagnosed with being on the autism spectrum; spending time with them can be a bit fatiguing.There tends to be a lot of 'monologuing' on subjects that only interest the speaker. Additionally, the MIL will kind of talk over people (read: me, her child, her husband) to further her point. She'll also speak over her husband in order to complete whatever it may be that he is trying to say himself as his speech can be somewhat slowed by medication he is taking. He is well understood by all, but I imagine this is an old habit that they share between themselves and it's clear that she is doing it in the service of helping.
***
While I felt somewhat unsettled by the news that my husband's mom & her hubs were coming to stay, it is my husband who is, of course, having to do the heavy lifting here. He's rented a car for the duration and has already taken Mom and hubs on a scenic drive down HWY 1 to various spots of interest, shown them a bit around Golden Gate Park--the Japanese Tea Garden being of top interest, and he will most likely book a ferry trip to Sausalito for lunch along the waterfront this upcoming week. This amount of 'outside activity' is the most my hubs has undertaken since the onset of the pandemic in early 2020. I know he's stressed about simply having to BE in public, but, at the same time, he would like to ensure that his mother and her husband have a good time during their stay. So far, so good, but I think my husband will need to take a holiday after this holiday, if you know what I mean.
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| Old Growth Redwoods-from their trip down HWY 1 |
Good that your husband can take the lead and the lion's share of the work in entertaining his relatives.
ReplyDeleteYes, it's very good. I do the washing up & such. He does the entertainment portion of the trip. It's nice because after a long day of work I can find it hard to muster up the 'chat muscle', among other things.
DeleteIt is wonderful that your husband is doing the heavy lifting for this visit. I hope that they all have a good time - and that your husband gets his break when they have gone.
ReplyDeleteMy chat muscle is very weak, and covid weakened it even further (which I didn't know was possible).
So, so weak. :) I'm glad, too, that he's taking care that his mother has a good visit. Would that it was under better (read: COVID free) conditions, however!
DeleteI sounds as though it is good that you are working and can leave things to your hubby.
ReplyDeleteYes, it does. :)
DeleteI wonder whether they were apprehensive too.
ReplyDeleteI was very lucky when I first went to meet my M-I-L. She had a wonderful sense of humour and we clicked together straight away. One of the first things she said was that girls grow up to be like their mothers, so I should take a very close look and she hoped I liked what I saw.
They probably were. Good point!
DeleteI really like your M-I-L's ice-breaker. :)
Not to worry! The in-laws will be taken good care by husband.
ReplyDeleteYes. You're right. :)
DeleteVisits should have a clear start and end date, and those should be communicated clearly to those in the household. (Roommate has a friend visiting for ??? and it's stressful even if I'm just on the periphery.)
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear that you've left the entertaining duties in the lap of husband. At least it shouldn't be for too much longer now, I hope.
I found out last night that they are actually going home tomorrow! I think, like you, that any and all visits should be clearly communicated.
DeleteI wonder if your in-laws will be much happier squired completely by their son!
ReplyDeleteI think his mother was very glad to visit with him. And he her, of course!
DeleteIt's hard to have house quest, even if family. Then add in you don't know how they will be lodging there, and you don't know how many meals to plan etc. It's not easy. Pretty are your hubs is taking them. We toured that area many years ago and really enjoyed it. Best of luck to you all.
ReplyDeleteSandy's Space
Thank you, Sandy. Things sort of fell into place after a time, so that's good. :)
DeleteCan appreciate the unease you might have felt but sounds like everything is working out pretty well.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Joared. I felt like a bit of an a-hole for posting about the visit, but it was on my mind & a bit stressful. I'm sure it was more stressful for my husband as he actually had to leave the house to spend time with his mom & her partner. Covid is still coloring everything, of course.
DeleteMaking my blog rounds and waving hello and wondering if in fact the inlaws did leave and if you and hubs are recovering. Can't imagine visiting someone without a plan of when, how long etc. Hope that doesn't happen again.
ReplyDeleteSandy's Space
Hiya, Sandy! The MIL and her hubs left after about 5 days. It was a shame that my husband didn't know when they were departing as he had planned one last jaunt with them that then couldn't be executed. All ended well, fortunately.
DeleteSo very grateful that my MIL and FIL are great and I get along with them. Hang in there and hope their visit goes by quickly. Take care.
ReplyDeleteThat's good to read. I think that when you've not spent a lot of time with folks who then aren't very engaging then that can help maintain a distance felt. The visit was over without too much of a hitch, fortunately.
DeleteI've just spent a week on a boat in France with my MIL, two sister-in-laws and their husbands. It was over hot and tense!
ReplyDelete