Postal Service, part I

How many straws does one have to grab before getting to the last one? I was recently trained, and I use that word lightly, to become a postal carrier. I had thought that there would be some sort of test I needed to pass prior to making the cut, but nope. The US Postal Service was just sort of like: Give us your information and you're hired! This quote by Groucho Marx really isn't entirely apt here, but I could not help but think of these words as my paltry training wore on: I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. Suffice to say I should have refused.

The US postal service vehicles are OLD. Yes, there are a few newer USPS vehicles out there, but the majority of the fleet are from either 1984 or 1998. I trained at a post office directly across from the ocean and its vehicles are parked in an open lot when not in use. To call many of them rust buckets on wheels is not an insult but rather a state of fact. In the interests of safety, but also in the interests of covering your own ass, one always needs to perform a vehicle check prior to rolling out. 

As a newbie, I was put into a loaner vehicle (read: a vehicle that none of the more established postal carriers would wish to use). I made sure the engine turned over and that the tires were not flat. I couldn't figure out how to check the brake and hazard lights. A postal dude whose name I didn't get came by and looked for me as I hit flicked the switches and pressed the brake pedal. He called it 'the buddy system'. Thanks, bud. There was a note affixed to the dash by binder clip and rubber band of this particular postal truck that read: Only goes 35 MPH. Do not drive on highway. I mentioned the note to my trainer and he said, 'Don't worry. You aren't doing any highway driving today.' 

I then noticed that one of the 7 mirrors used for safe driving--merging, reversing, etc.--was missing. Presumably it rusted and broke off years ago. The missing mirror was one of the convex ones attached to the front left portion of the vehicle. USPS vehicles are right-side drive, so the driver needs to use this type of mirror to see if there is anything along the left side of the postal truck. Any collisions I could have had during on-site training would have resulted in immediate dismissal. Not to mention I could have hurt someone or myself due to decreased visibility while at the wheel. I brought up the missing mirror to the trainer and he didn't seem to think it important. Not wanting to appear difficult, I sucked it up and got in. While driving to a nearby neighborhood--I was to deliver a portion of the trainer's route--I noticed that my vehicle would not accelerate past 15-20 MPH. I hit the middle of my steering wheel and the tiniest most beleaguered 'honnnk' squeaked out. It somehow got the trainer's attention and we went back to the office so that I could switch to another vehicle. 

When looking for an image of a USPS mail truck to add to this post, I came across more than one showing a vehicle in flames. Apparently, postal truck engines are catching fire for seemingly no discernible reason. Here's a reason: They're OLD.

The LLV stands for long life vehicle. Har-frickin-har.