A unicorn wearing a garland of four-leaf clovers...

would have been more easily spotted than my ex attending a wedding.  He had such a phobia of weddings that, in our (I think) two-ish years dating, he dodged every invite he could.  It was fine if he wanted to disappoint and flake on his own friends, but the shit hit the fan when he decided that he couldn't--as if it were a fuckin' medical issue--"I'm lacto-ovo-nuptial-gluten-soya intolerant!"--attend my dear, old, college friend's wedding.  Boo hoo.  Here's a hankie.

I remember saying to him, "dude, it's not like WE'RE getting married.  It's just an opportunity to dress up, eat, drink, and be merry with some of my good friends."  It were as if he thought he'd catch "wedding cooties" of off 'em, or something, and just couldn't bring himself to be my +1.

Shortly thereafter, I was -1, if you catch my drift.

Flash-forward about a year, and, unbelievably, we're "friends".  He'd met someone with whom he was "head-over-heels".  I was happy for him, if, however, feeling wee pangs of "why wasn't it me?"  Around the time of finding his lady love, his friends began to get hitched.  So, now, instead of agonizing over why he couldn't go to weddings, he was agonizing over what gift to buy, when to buy it, what to wear to the wedding, and so on.  I bore the brunt of much of his wedding angst, and tried to be as helpful as I could.  I wondered if his new girlfriend was getting any of this shit.  I seriously doubted it.

Six years and many different types of social media outlets later, I find myself attempting to wade into the Google+ pool.  For the fuck of it, I thought I'd see if the ex were, too, trolling those waters.  He is.

The Unknown Groomsmen.

 Not only has he been a guest at weddings, but, lo these many years later, I see that he's actually been IN a wedding.  He's come along way, baby.  -wonder if he brought his girlfriend.  -least she didn't have to pick out something for him to wear.